E V E R S C A R

210. The truth is ...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012 @ 12:22 AM

I'm Bi-sexual

and leaning more to guys.

I couldn't think of a witty sentence to start with like my typical blog posts (or so I think) because this is the blunt truth of the matter. And now I should probably explain how this started and blah blah blah ...

Well ... I guess it started when I was in primary school so I'm thinking when I'm about 9 years to 11 years old when I started to have an interest in guys. I don't know exactly what attracted me, their face , body , smell (whut o_o) I seriously don't know what attracted me but I was attracted. And being so young and naive I didn't know what to think of it. But the weird thing is in some weird instinctioncial way I'd known that for some reason I couldn't possibly tell my parents for some inbred thought that they might disown me. And frankly speaking that thought is still lingering. So I confided in someone I was closest with , Cousin Hazel.

I labeled myself Bi-sexual because I have liked a girl before in primary school. Only 1 though, the first & last. Till today I can still see her face with her luminous smile, short bob & bronze skin. But my mom/parents would have never agreed because of the stupid religion boundary. Which is another thing I want to say, I am born a Catholic. I attended church and religious classes when I was younger but I only did it because my parents forced me.

Anyway back when I was yee big I already didn't have an interest in God nor did I believe but after growing up and understanding and accepting my sexuality, I've come to detest the term 'God' even more because what we learnt in church is God loves everyone no matter what ... but I guess they missed out LGBTs. I mean look how many people out there are preaching that LGBT are going to burn into the ground or going to be bard from heaven. This was the moment in my life where I forsaked God and I forsaked religion.

Back to me, After primary school ended I never got to see Sara, the first girl I ever ell in love with, ever again because I moved to practically the end of Singapore , Jurong.(Used to live in Woodlands) so the chances of actually being in the same school vanished like food in my fridge.

Primary school wasn't easy for me because of how dramatic (as mama would say) I acted. But really I think the accurate word is flamboyant. Secondary school was somewhat easier , maintainly only 1 dickhead who I had to put up with for 2 years , would have been 3 years if I didn't go to ITE. (thank ~~God~~ food I did.)

Being an observant person I always knew/know there are people constantly talking behind my back especially in secondary school. The saddest thing though is that none of them bothered to get to know me, they just lived by the assumption I was someone not to associated with because I was flamboyant or gay (which they are probably more familiar with because they have such robust vocabulary.) Which is why one of my life goals is to become uber famous and one day I can rub my dick in their face. N levels was a good start.

But the reason why I'm publicly admitting it is because I feel that I know what I am , I'm over the period where I was questioning myself. I've learnt to accept who I am because I was born this way, I refuse to believe God made me in this way because why the hell would God put someone through such misery to disappointing one's parents and being hated by people.

Then again some bible-mass-going catholic would argue that God made me to change the world/mindset of people who've misinterpreted the bible ... to that I'd say fuck God for giving me such a burden or responsibility, if so I'd better have a freaking good prize. Seriously why can't god just strike those that have taken they're preaching too far instead of casting natural disasters on innocent people.

I guess I'm going to have to face my mom after she reads this , she's probably going to come into my room and talk to me. I'm hope there's no water works. That kind of closure is so awkward. I also hope she doesn't disown me. If I don't post after this it's probably because I'm homeless.

#1 More thing I want to make really clear:
Just because I like guys & girls doesn't mean I like EVERY guy and girl I meet. I have standards too okay-__-"

Adios Chicas.

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